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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22548748">When I lose myself, there is no one else</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesometime/pseuds/makesometime'>makesometime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GreedFall (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Pegging, that's about it that's the whole thing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:42:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22548748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesometime/pseuds/makesometime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A ball of heat flares in her gut at the thought, the same images passing through her head that have driven her to distraction for months. Ever since she slipped up and allowed Kurt to stumble across her stash of toys when clearing out the property in Hikmet. </p>
<p>Elena forces it down, spreading her fingers wide over his legs. This is not about <em>her</em> wants. This is about <em>theirs</em>, together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kurt/De Sardet (GreedFall)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When I lose myself, there is no one else</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is all <a href="https://alethiometry.tumblr.com/">@alethiometry's</a> fault. They know what they did.</p>
<p>Title from a Jukebox the Ghost song that's stuck in my head because lord knows I can't organically come up with a title anymore, I can barely write a fic in three months.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>With a soft hum Elena flexes her fingers so that her nails catch in the coarse hair that covers Kurt’s thighs, dark against his pale skin. She thinks she hears him chuckle, halfway between amusement and confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh but she loves it, loves the pure masculinity of his body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After years of being primped and preened and having it be not-so-subtly suggested that she might care to rid her body of unsightly features, Elena had feared being forced into matrimony with the complete opposite of Kurt. Some foolish, pampered nobleman with perfectly coiffed hair and tinctured skin and a desire only to </span>
  <em>
    <span>conform.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The nobility is as fake as Kurt is real, and she thanks whatever deity spares her their attention that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> is here with her now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If nothing else, she is certain that any poncy noble would never think about allowing her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A ball of heat flares in her gut at the thought, the same images passing through her head that have driven her to distraction for months. Ever since she slipped up and allowed Kurt to stumble across her stash of toys when clearing out the property in Hikmet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elena forces it down, spreading her fingers wide over his legs. This is not about </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>wants. This is about </span>
  <em>
    <span>theirs,</span>
  </em>
  <span> together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They are going at Kurt’s pace in this - and truth be told, with the experiences of his youth, she would have never pushed for it, not even once. His involvement in every step has been as much a sheer delight as it is a constant reassurance that he is in this for the right reasons.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes flick up to his, bright and keen as ever. There’s a heat in the air between them that threatens to burn them both up before they even get to the good stuff. Elena shifts, trying to ease some of the pressure growing between her thighs and drags her eyes over Kurt’s body, from his smirking gaze to the thickening length of his cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall I fetch it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt smiles, folding his arms behind his head (to disguise his uncertainty about what else to do with them, she can tell). “By all means, my lady.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She climbs off his legs and pads across the room, feeling the weight of his eyes heavy on her naked body. On a side table sit the unassuming bronze phallus and leather strapping, with a glass vial alongside. Simple and undetailed with little to note other than its suitably flared base, Elena had selected the toy as a means to an end years ago, with nary an inkling of what awaited her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The strapping is new, though. Kurt had come with her to commission it from one of her more trusted suppliers, with measurements that he had delighted in taking one evening. They paid far more than necessary for a supple, high quality hide to avoid as much chafing as possible. It feels like butter as she runs her palms over it. She cannot wait to have it wrapped around her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slots the two pieces of her appropriated package together, and turns with it clutched in one hand, the vial of oil in the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you help me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To the ends of the earth.” Kurt says, typically forthright, his voice rumbling with a quiet need. He moves to settle on the edge of the mattress and holds out his hands for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It feels almost as though a cord tightens between them, drawing her powerlessly back to him. Kurt takes the oil from her and sets it to one side, smiling softly at what she fears is a quietly dumbfounded expression on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without words, he urges her to lift one leg, then the other. The straps slot into place and she watches with hasty breaths as he expertly fastens the buckles in place, showing all of the tender care she so adores in him. Once satisfied, he leans back, eyes fixed on her core.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elena wiggles her hips, laughing at the awkward jerky movements of her fake cock. Her sense of balance feels a bit precarious, thrown off by this extra appendage, and Kurt instinctively reaches out to hold her waist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had worried that the reality of the moment might take over, once she was all trussed up for him. But he looks hungrier than ever, blunt nails biting into her skin as he fights to regain some calm. A part of her wonders what he would look like if she asked him to suck her, but it doesn’t stir her guts up quite like the idea of being inside him, not right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smoothes a palm against his cheek, urges his head up so that their eyes meet. “How would you prefer we do this? I know what I would choose but…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to see you.” He speaks with such surety that she’s momentarily breathless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All it takes is a gentle lift of her chin and he is settling back against the pillows again. When she kneels on the bed she fights a chuckle at the odd jerking of weight between her legs, the way she has to move slightly differently to accommodate it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it always feel so… ungainly?” She asks, pressing his knees apart so that she can lean into him, kissing across his sternum, up his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You get used to it.” He murmurs, trying to capture her lips. She grants his desire, swallowing the odd, interested sound that escapes him when her fake cock nudges his own. Kurt palms her backside, letting her lean all her weight into him for a time. “But imagine being fourteen and trying to hide an erection in the barracks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She presses a soft laugh into the line of his jaw, reaching down to jerk him a few times. “Poor baby. Imagine waking up with blood all over your sheets with no warning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scoffs, blunt nails biting into her ass. “I was not trying to start a contest, dear heart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elena trails her fingertips down lower, circling a gentle knuckle over the skin behind his balls. “Nor I,” she hums, nuzzling into his throat. “But it served as a good distraction.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt is relaxed enough that when she rubs the tip of her index finger over puckered skin he merely twitches, groan catching in the back of his throat. She does little more than keep the pressure there as she kisses down his chest once more, moving to lie down between his legs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nearly bites clean through her lip when Kurt cants his hips forward without prompting, exposing himself enough for her to work. She fetches the oil and uncorks it, setting it within reach and slicking up two fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quick glance up finds his eyes on her, heated and full of an anticipation that makes her stomach swoop dangerously. She presses a line of wet kisses to his inner thigh and starts to open him up, slow and steady. She pairs each forward press of her finger with attention to his cock, teasing the straining line of him with her tongue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt has never been the most vocal in bed but she wrings so many grunts and sighs out of him with the simple motion of two fingers that Elena feels as if she’s going a little insane. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gods, Elena.” He speaks through gritted teeth, her eyes flicking between his face and where his body is opening to her fingers. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grins, quietly proud of herself. “How close are you?” He whines, thighs flexing as he fights grinding onto her touch - answer enough for her. “Do you want to come before...?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt shakes his head, so she backs off, curling her fingers less deeply and moving her mouth away from his slick cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice is throaty and full of stifled hunger when she speaks. “I think we’re good, if you’re--.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s rarely truly irritated with her anymore, but the look he shoots her is so desperate that she shuts up immediately, getting back up onto her knees. He is halfway wrecked, just this side of vocalising a plea for her to fuck him. Elena shivers, reaching to gather more oil.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not gonna last long.” He murmurs, tenderly stroking a hand up and down the back of her arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leans forward, licking into his mouth and feeling the heat radiating off of his body. He is tense in a way that he usually only gets before a fight, anticipatory, prepared for anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not the point of this…” The words are half-lost in the kiss but the assertion calms his lingering anxiety somewhat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She quickly loses his attention when she starts to slick up the metal, his eyes fixed on the action of her hand. He kicks his heels up to bracket her body in the way that she so frequently does for him, loosing a satisfied hum at the way her much smaller body settles against his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes fixed on his, Elena takes a solid grip around the base of her cock and starts to slide home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt’s curses colour the air with fervent emotion as she fills him, slow and steady. She echoes them, gaze dropping down to watch his body accept her, open for her. A heat coils in her gut that far surpasses the limited stimulation she’s feeling. The moment is almost akin to when she swallows him down, the joy of bringing him pleasure enough to inspire her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look so good taking me Kurt.” She murmurs, almost too quiet to hear over the panting breaths of her lover. “How does it feel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” He grunts. “Yeah. Keep it slow, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wonders how close she pushes him to his limit when she follows that instruction. Lack of familiarity with the motions of fucking with a cock makes her momentarily nervous, until she glances up and sees his eyes shut, lip caught between his teeth. His chest is flushed beneath the darkness of hair there, sweat beading across his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elena withdraws just a little, slicking them both with another generous helping of oil. With a renewed desperation to </span>
  <em>
    <span>own, take, have</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she gives a sharp push forward until he is completely and utterly </span>
  <em>
    <span>hers.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt gives an impressive shudder, his hands clenching hard in the sheets. “Shit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit,</span>
  </em>
  <span> right there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elena circles her hips with a small smile, rocking back and forth just enough to stimulate him precisely where she had read about, whispered to him about as they breathlessly discussed the potential of this act. She has no doubt it was the promise of his own sweet spot that she might exploit as he did hers that pushed them over the edge into an actual attempt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, more than an attempt now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling out of him slow, Elena huffs out a harsh breath and eases back in at the same speed, allowing him to adjust to the action as he had her during their first time together. She wants this memory to be as sweet to him as hers is, and to overwrite any painful recollections that may linger despite the years passed and his best efforts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rocks back and forward with increasing speed, growing more comfortable as Kurt grows more desperate, hands clenching at her hips, her ass, anywhere that he can take a hold of to ground himself against the roiling sensations.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Close,</span>
  </em>
  <span> m’close love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She almost reaches down to take him in hand once more, to spread the copious amounts of pearling liquid down his length, but she realises that might be too much, this time. He is flushed and thick and her mouth waters a little with the remembered taste of him… oh, but she is greedy. Greedy for the feeling of him coming undone under her touch, her power.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes only a couple more thrusts for Kurt to groan out her name, his cock jerking as thick ropes of white paint his stomach. Elena can do little but still herself tight inside him, watching as he writhes and sobs, her shield shattered by the attention she’s lavished upon him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smoothes her hands up over his sides, palms against his pecs to feel his heart thundering beneath them. Her own heart feels as if it will burst from love and pride and the knowledge that he trusted her with this, that she was able to bring him so much pleasure. Painfully slowly she draws herself out of him, cooing words of comfort when he whimpers and twitches at the loss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Removing the straps with unsteady fingers, Elena drops the phallus to the floor beside the bed and crosses the room to the basin, soaking a cloth in warm water to clean him. Once she has done so, gentle and reverential, she fetches a blanket from the trunk at the foot of their bed and folds it double to place over the mess they’ve made. That will be a problem for the following day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt is still boneless and quietly catching his breath when she curls up beside him, her head falling to rest on his shoulder, her palm warm against his sternum.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” She murmurs into his ear, a gentle kiss finding the soft skin of his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I you.” He exhales a slow, centering breath. “How did I get so lucky?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles, softly, sleepiness tugging at the back of her mind. It matters little in the moment that the ache between her thighs has found no answer this night. “A question I ask myself regularly. Perhaps one day we’ll be graced with an answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kurt’s arm is a warm comfort around her as he turns his head to nudge his nose against hers. “You promise such pretty things, my lady.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingers stroke over his heart, spreading wide and warm and possessive over his skin. “Oh Kurt. Only as you deserve.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
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